Sippi Lovin'

I visited the dentist on Friday for a procession of extractions…four teeth gone, all in the name of vanity. On Wednesday, I’ll have four metal brackets placed on my back teeth (serving as anchors) and returning a week later to have the remainder of the braces glued on. Newsworthy, yeah? For some time, I couldn’t decide whether to wait and surprise folks back home with a mouthful of metal or go ahead and post the news here. In the end, I decided that because I post so infrequently and often with no personal flavor, that indeed this warrants mention. And so, yours truly, fed up with his mangled set of chompers, took matters into his own hands and will have braces in time for Christmas. I also have hopes of this putting an end to the incessant grinding at night, which Michelle, understandably, finds so frustrating. I’m told there are nights where she wakes up because the grinding is so loud and clamps my jaw tight until I cease with the gnashing. The orthodontist has said that the braces could very well take care of this, but much like the clicking in my jaw, there is no guarantee. Only time will tell.

As many of you know, I have an intense phobia of needles and trips to the dentist or doctor for inoculations are stressful to say the least. Somehow, I chose to study abroad in Ghana, prompting the good folks down at Ramsey County Hospital to turn my left triceps into a cribbage board and then this. I was hesitant to tell anyone about my plans for braces not only because it would serve as a terrific surprise, but also I feared backing out. Can’t back out anymore…the worst is over.

On that note, let me share with you the process of extracting teeth. Well, first they give a person nitrous oxide (and thank heavens for nitrous oxide…more on that later,) then they stick a fella full of needles. Some time later, there’s much popping and cracking. Finally, to the delight of everyone in the room, I had one tooth fire clear across the room, blood spattering everywhere, prompting them to wipe me down with an alcoholic swab afterwards. That’s all I can tell you…I, quite naturally, had my eyes closed the entire time. Oh, and if you get your teeth pulled in Mississippi and the dental assistants allude to “tacking you up,” that’s not a bad thing; it’s just a topical anesthetic. Oh, and if you let them know you came there directly from a three hour neuroscience exam, they’ll give the nitrous oxide flow an extra bump. Afterwards, the dentist remarked, “You did a terrific job in the chair, then again, you were snortin’ gas the whole time!” Speaking of gas, the entire time I laid in that chair, I searched for an analogy that would do the experience justice. I figure I've got one: inhaling nitrous oxide feels like the very best part of sleep on a Monday morning in the Minnesotan winters. I think that’s pretty accurate and believe me, I dug deep for that analogy.

Lastly, as I sit here typing this, I’m sporting a shaved head for the first time in my life. My mother tells me we call that hinee and I quickly informed her that I’m in the business of lookin’ cool now and I can’t have her telling folks I’ve got a hinee. I don’t even know how to spell hinee and where did that word come from anyway?